150 #3

Le billet du jour est un billet que j'ai redouté écrire... Une vérite qui me fait du mal... Au fur et à mesure que j'avance dans mon projet 150, mon désencombrement, mon nettoyage, je fais face à une réalité...
La peur de la solitude...
Oui j'ai peur d'être seule et de me retrouver sans ami(e)... Aussi je tente à tout prix de maintenir des relations dont la contre partie n'attache que peu ou pas d'importance... Et malgré toute cette énergie dépensée, la réalité est là, bien que j'ai plein de connaissances autour de moi avec qui je communique régulièrement, je n'ai pas vraiment d'ami(e)s au sens propre du terme... Celle à qui on peut téléphoner n'importe quand, celle qui vous comprend sans avoir à parler, celle qui connait tout de votre histoire et dont vous connaissez aussi tout... Je me suis rendue compte de ces "fausses" amitiés il y a bien longtemps... Quand une personne que je croyais une "amie" a révélé, à une inconnue, pour elle, qu'elle essayait d'être enceinte depuis des mois en vain... Je ne savais rien de tout cela... Ou encore cette autre "amie" enceinte d'un autre homme que son mari, qui ne m'a rien dit, même une fois la petite née... J'ai découvert l'histoire par hasard, lors d'une soirée où elle m'avait invité... Et autour de moi, toutes les autres personnes savaient... Et malgré cela je persiste... A maintenir ces relations sans issues... Fatiguantes... J'ai une amie, mais la distance rend cette amitié bien compliquée... Alors oui, faire du tri dans toute la maison c'est bien, mais il va falloir maintenant faire du tri à un autre niveau et cela me fait peur...

I was afraid of writing today's post... Facing a truth which hurts... As I move along my 150 project, my decluterring, my cleaning, I am facing facts... I am afraid of being lonely... Yes I am afraid of being lonely and not having friends... That is why I am trying so hard to keep in touch with people who don't really care... Despite all this energy that I spent, the truth is that I have many aquaintances with whom I speak regularly, but I have very few true friends... You know the one that you can call whenever you need it, the one that understand you even without speaking... The one that knows everything about you and you about her... I have realised those "fake" friendships long time ago... When one of those "friend" told to an unknown person, for her, that she had been trying to concive for a long time... She never told it to me... Or this other "friend" who was pregnant from another man than her husband and never said it to me even once the baby was born... I learned it by chance at a party she invited me... And all other guests knew it all... Despite of all those stories, I keep going... With those fake friendships... This is so tiering... and sad... I have a true friend, but she lives so far away, it makes being close quite hard... So yes, decluterring the house is lovely, but now comes the time to decluter at another level and this frightens me...

Comments

[keepmoving]

Au plus ça va, au moins j'ai d'amis MAIS à mon dernier anniv, tous les cadeaux reçus (des cadeaux simples) étaient Just perfect! Je me dis qu'ils me connaissent bien et font un effort pour ne pas se planter. Je trouve ça énoooorme!

Je réclame (gonflée la fille, hein?) un abonnement à ce blog, pour ne plus rater de billets......

[DaniBP]

Oh Steph! I don't like to see you in distress. You are such a thoughtful and caring person, and I agree friendships can be very difficult. The friends I have made by the circumstance of where I live, I find for the most part they are not true friends, I have learned to not waste my time and energy on them. I have a few close friends (some I met in the blogging world, like GetFresh above!) and I invest time on those friendships when I can. With family and so much to do we need to prioritize, but I agree it is difficult!

We accept very few invitations from acquaintances now because time is precious and we enjoy being at home and with our children, just last night we were invited to a party and then we thought, why? We had a wonderful evening at home instead.

I'm sending peace to you across the distance! xox

[GetFresh]

Hello Funky Steph, I read here regularly but have never commented before. Except today I wanted to send a smile your way. I too have struggled with the modern definition(s) of friendship and finding truly kindred spirits. Although an unlikely source (an American general), this quote from Colin Powell always speaks to me in the wondering and challenging times:

"With some people you may spend an evening, with others you you invest it. Be careful where you stop to ask for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves you will learn to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses." Strength, peace and best wishes with the internal process.